I want to get away. I want to be anonymous. I want to get lost in the writhing masses, melt into crowds, like a leaf tumbling in the wind. I want my feelings for myself, for my days to be bad and for the only collateral damage to be some cookies and tea. Why can’t I be apathetic without seeming uncaring? Tired without being unsocial? Stressed without being angry? Why do my feelings have to have context? Can’t I just be instead of always following up with because?
I want to find a tiny cafe filled with strangers who will glance at me with a smile and then go back to reading their books and newspapers. I want a corner of my own, where no one will know I am. I want to go a whole day without talking. I want to lie in bed and not feel guilty about facing one direction instead of another.
I want to start the day without consulting about “The Plan”. God, why do we need plans? Why do I need to consult? Why does it even matter when it really comes down to me doing what I wanted anyways, but having to outsource and validate it first?
I want to go to a bar and order a pint and chat up the bartender.
I want to go to a concert of a band I do not know, and sway to the music.
I want to smile when I want to. Not all the live long fucking day. And for that to affect nobody but me.