I have this sudden, intense yearning to go back
Can I rewind to two years go? Can I rewind myself, walk backwards along these avenues and streets, briskly filled with a cacophony of sirens and horns, fading into the sweeter silence of the empty streets of Kingston. The sun would just be setting through the trees, over the lake. I would be biking from class, or the library, or a meeting at Cogro - coasting along in my Toms and sweatpants. There wouldn’t be a car in sight as I carelessly peddled from side to side, like writing calligraphy along the concrete.
Did I mention - it would be quiet?
And I would revel in being alone.
Alone, with a cup of tea for company. And my music, constantly playing in the background.
When you put a song on repeat for hours while you’re studying, you can’t help but imprint it in your memory. Now, when I hear those songs meant to focus, calm, soothe, I remember the long nights they carried me through. Maybe not the night itself, but the feeling that if I just kept listening, I’d be able to make it through.
It was so much nicer to bike through the streets at night, back then. I liked it best at 2 am, when the muffled silence of the ghetto felt like a blanket and I could hear people partying in the distance at the quad, while I biked home from the library.
Now I don’t have a bike. And I am not alone.
All I can do is listen to those same songs and imagine I can feel the wind in my hair.